We’ve all been there. The kid is looking at us with wide, glowing eyes and asking us if Santa exists and will he grant them their precious wishes. I’m still trying to encourage my cynical child to believe he does exist, so I have to bring my A-game. Well, if I had to stuff myself down a chimney (which I don’t have) and leave over priced toys for a kid I don’t even know … would I want to be sober for it? Certainly not.

Enter The Nog. I’m not talking about the nasty stuff they sell in cartons at the grocery store that should not even be allowed to be labeled Egg Nog. There really out to be a law, that stuff is such a travesty. I am talking about the real deal. I prefer to make the Puerto Rican varietal that uses Spiced Rum called Coquito.

Egg Nog

A word of warning about The Nog. This is NOT a cheap dish to make. I never spend less than 100 bucks, but it is so. worth. it. Instead of polluting the ingredient list with a bunch of *Don’t be cheap alerts, I am just going to apply it to the whole list. Go organic on the dairy products, get free range eggs, get the top shelf booze, and get the highest quality French vanilla ice cream. They all affect the flavor. Egg Nog is a magical experience and you’ll only have it once a year.

Ingredients

• 24 Eggs
• 2 Cups Sugar
• 1 Quart Heavy Cream
• 2 Quarts Whole Milk
• 1 Liter of Brandy (British), Bourbon (American), or Spiced Rum (Puerto Rican.)
• 1 Quart French Vanilla Ice Cream, softened.
• Pinch of Salt
• Ground Nutmeg (for garnish.)

Preparation

• In one 5 quart mixing bowl and 1 1.5 quart mixing bowl seperate the eggs. I have tried many methods and the fastest way to do it is to crack each egg and use the shells to dash back and forth until the whites separate from the yolk. The yolk goes into the 5 quart bowl and the whites go into the 1.5 quart bowl.
  If you want to see how this method works, you can check out this video: https://youtu.be/t-OwbEy-Vxk
• Once you have finished separating the yolks and the whites, add the sugar to the yolks. You will need to beat the yolks briskly with a wire whisk for 3 minutes. They should be thick and lemon-colored.
• Next, you will fold in the dairy. Add the milk and cream. Keep whisking.
• Next pour in the liquor you chose.
• And after that it’s time to fold in the french vanilla ice cream.
• By now your arms should be pretty tired and you’ll be wondering why you read my blog or why you bothered engaging in this particular project. But don’t worry, you’re almost done.
• It’s time to add a pinch of salt to the egg whites, bust out the hand mixer and whip them until they form soft peaks. This should take about 5 minutes. I have tried to do this by hand so many times. Don’t bother. I have only gotten the soft peaks with a hand mixer. I find it best just to accept one’s inadequacies and let the robot take over the world. If you don’t know what soft peaks are, here’s a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch/wMTxkDzBqSU
• Now that you have your soft peaks, it is time to fold them in to the 5 quart bowl with the rest of the mixture. Folding is yet another technique that may be new to you. So check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skWSIFfIMqc
• After you have finished all that, cover the mixture and refrigerate for at least 20 minutes before serving.
• The customary garnish is ground nutmeg. Just give each cup a sprinkle, and, well, Bob’s your uncle.

Nom-Your-Jolly-Old-Saint-Nick-Self-On,

~Crunchy