Category: Will it?

Cheese Pizza : A pull actually worth eating

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‘You hungry?’ I asked, one lazy Saturday afternoon, ruffling my kid’s messy mop. An innocent question, but not really. With a preteen, it’s Russian Roulette.
‘Yeah…’ Child replies, and then with an intensity that came out of nowhere, ‘But, like for pizza, you know? With a really good cheese pull.’
I blink. ‘Cheese pull?’
‘Yeah, you know …’ Child mimics biting into a slice of pizza and pulling away and there’s imaginary cheese dangling in the air.
‘Um…’ I literally had no idea what else to say. I’ve made a 1000 pizzas. This is not a brag or an exaggeration; I worked at my dad’s pizzeria for most of high school and college. What the beans is a cheese pull?
Hoping this wasn’t going to turn into a thing, I retreat to my office to do a little research. And that’s when the rage started. The cheese pull? Yeah, it’s a food stylist gimmick. Which turned into a Tic Tok meme. I HATE Tic Tok. And Memes.
‘Child!’ I yell from my office.
‘What?’ She pokes her head in.
I spin around, jabbing my finger at the screen. ‘It’s just a gimmick! It’s not a real thing.’
Child, not quite sure how hot the water is yet, sticks her toe. ‘Yeah, but that’s what I’m craving …’
My right eye twitches. Child tenses, squares shoulders, and sticks out chin. Child is brave.
‘You know what mimics good pull, Child? Elmer’s glue,’ I hiss. ‘You want I should make you THAT!’
‘Uh …’ But it’s too late. I’ve already swiveled around in my chair, muttering. It’s turned into a thing.
Child quietly retreats to the safety of the lair – double barriers this time – as I hear the distinctive click of the closet door.
So I did what any mildly unhinged, emotionally activated parent would do: I built a cheese pizza worth pulling. Not for the camera. For my sanity. And Child, too. I guess.

Cheese Pizza

Special Equipment

  • Pizza Screen
  • Parchment Paper
  • Box Grater (recommended)
  • Casserole Dish (recommended)

Ingredients

  • 1-12 inch Pizza Crust
  • 1/4 cup Rustic Tomato Sauce
  • 1 cup Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese, shredded
    • *Brand Matters! Alert: Purchase a brand made in Italy, such as Galbani’s or Grande.
    • *Function Note: Milky, salty; gooey and stretchy when melted. The backbone of the cheese pull.
  • 1/4 cup Fontina Cheese, shredded
    • *Function Note: Nutty, buttery; softens the blend and adds creamy depth without overpowering.
  • 3 slices Provolone Cheese, torn
    • *Function Note: Mild tang, nut and butter undertone; bridge between mozzarella’s softness and parmesan’s punch.
  • 1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese, grated
    • *Function Note: Sharp, salty, and savory; finishes the pie with umami and browning power. Doesn’t melt – it punctuates.
  • 2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Preparation

  • Using your box grater, place it inside the casserole dish. Grate 1 cup of Mozzarella cheese. Next, grate about 1/2 cup of fontina.
  • Drizzle the olive oil on your pizza crust and spread around with a pastry brush, if you have one, or the back of a spoon.
  • Dump a cup of your mozzarella and fontina blend in the middle of the pie and spread outward with your fingers. Leave about a 1/4-inch edge of crust.
  • Grab your three slices of provolone and tear it with your hands. Layer it around the pie as evenly as you can.
  • Using a spoon, drop dollops of the rustic sauce on top of the cheese, again, trying to be even.
    • *Note: Don’t spread it! When I said dollops, I meant dollops.
  • Sprinkle the last of the shredded cheese over the pie to create a light seal over the sauce.
  • Bake the pie at 500 degrees in a traditional oven, or 450 degrees in a counter top oven with the convection setting on, for 10 minutes.
  • Pull the pie out, sprinkle the grated parmesan cheese all over the pie like an angel from heaven sneezing savory salt, and pop the pie back in for 1-2 more minutes to formally seal the deal.

Plating Notes

  • If ya broke, sprinkle some dried parsley.
  • If ya flush, rough-torn fresh basil leaves – fresh oil released from herbs is never not rad.

So I slide that in front of Child. The cheese pull was real, the flavor was there, and what turned into a thing? Yes. You want I should serve you that.

Nom On,

~Crunchy

The Angeleno: Sprawl, Pulse, Juxtaposition

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You know what Los Angeles and New York City have in common? You have to live there to get it. And in my case, ‘there’ is Southern California. Born, raised, never leaving. I don’t care how high the taxes get. Every once in a while, someone will say something to me, some out-of-state soul that’s from … not here, like, ‘California cuisine just means you guys add avocado to everything, right?’ This question betrays such a jaw-dropping level of cluelessness that I really think the creators of Baywatch owe every Southern Californian restitution for the reputation we now have to live with.

So, let me pull you in closer – so I can scream in your ear – ‘Southern California is fusion!’

Bright, alive, cars flowing through the arteries of Greater Los Angeles. Connecting people from all over the globe to the urban pulse; food trucks lined up and down the streets of DTLA, LBC, Inglewood, Koreatown, Hollywood, Pasadena, Glendale, and Santa Monica on a Saturday night, feeding us because you know we’re drunk and need something to soak up that booze, mamacita! Hell, yeah, I want extra kimchi on my pork belly tacos to go with my elote that I got from that other truck! Or, summoning talent from the world’s culinary capitals to spin up inspired dining scapes surrounded by the choreography of the Theater District or the curated calm of Beverly Hills.

But I get it, you are reading this from … not here. And that’s ok. You just make this little pie of mine, throw on a movie that pulls you deep into our vibe – Drive, Heat, LA Confidential, or Mulholland Drive – and taste the juxtaposition. And guess what? There ain’t one damn slice of avocado on it.

The Angeleno

Special Equipment

  • Pizza Screen

Base Recipe

Toppings

  • 1 lb Hot Italian Sausage, ground or in casings
  • 1 Anaheim Pepper, chopped
  • 1 Red Onion, sliced

Preparation

  • Follow the base recipe, everything is the same, including pulling the pie out and grating the parmesan cheese over the pizza and baking it for an additional 1-2 minutes.
  • Topping order does matter, believe it or not. You always start with the flat meats first – pepperoni, salami, ham, then move on to bulkier items – crumbles like beef or sausage, mushrooms, chopped peppers – and finish off with smaller, lighter toppings such as diced onions or sliced olives.

    Anchovies stay in the low boy and are placed on last while you try not to gag. Plastic forks, rosary water, and burning sage help. Or, just get friends that don’t like anchovies on pizza.

Plating Notes

  • Garnish with crushed red pepper, it pluses the whole thing. Scouts honor.

This post is dedicated to the victims of the Los Angeles Fires. To the families who lost homes, memories, and pieces of themselves in the smoke. To the neighborhoods that burned and the ones that held their breath. To the first responders who moved toward the heat while we fled. And to every Angeleno who looked up at an orange sky and still found a way to feed someone, comfort someone, or keep moving.

We are LA. Sprawling, pulsing, grieving, rebuilding. And still cooking.

Nom on,

~Crunchy

Pizza Crust: Surprisingly hard, until it’s not.

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I’ve been making pizza in one form or fashion for years. My first job was actually making pies at Round Table Pizza, so I felt like I knew what I was doing when my kid asked me for pizza a couple weeks ago. No problem, I thought, I’ll even go back to my roots and pick a pizza screen instead of using my beat up old baking sheet from IKEA.

And then the problems started. The first crust was fused to my pizza screen. More research. My second crust kept snapping back and wouldn’t stick to the parchment paper. More research. My third crust was unevenly distributed so it was undercooked in the middle. More research. And, finally, FINALLY, I nailed the bake. Jesus.

Pizza Crust

Special Equipment

  • Parchment Paper
  • Pizza Screen
  • Rolling Pin
    • *Note: I tried twice to stretch this dough with my hands. You know when I started to make progress with my bakes? When I started using my rolling pin. Don’t be a hero.

Ingredients

  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
  • All Purpose Flour
  • Store-bought dough
    • *Note: This post is about baking technique, but if you want to make your pizza dough from scratch, here’s the recipe I use.

Preparation

  • Drizzle 1 tbsp EVOO into a bowl.
  • Remove your dough from the package and plop (yes, that’s a technical term) into the oiled bowl. Roll it around to get your dough-baby nice and lubed up (also a technical term, just probably not this industry.)
  • Cover the bowl in plastic and let the dough rest at room temperature for no less than 30 minutes. Ideally an hour. Pour a glass of lovely, watch your stories. Relax. Everyone will eat … eventually.
  • Preheat your oven to 500 degrees.
    • *Note: If you have a convection oven, use the 450 degree setting with the convection fan on.
    • *Another Note: You can pre-heat earlier if you want, I just live in a warm climate so heating up my house is not rad.
  • Once the dough has rested, pour another glass – it’s ok, we know you finished the first one, gah-head – and sprinkle all purpose flour all over the counter.
  • Plop your dough onto the counter.
  • Sprinkle your spouse-wrangler, :::cough:::, rolling pin with flour as well.
  • Roll your dough out into approximately a 12-inch circle.
    • *Note: This isn’t your drafting class. Don’t focus on shape, focus on an even thickness of the rolled-out dough. About 3/4 of an inch will do.
  • Poke your dough with a fork in a few spots to prevent it from puffing up.
    • *Alert!: Do NOT do this step with your dough on the screen.
  • Spray your pizza screen with non-stick and cover with a piece of parchment paper.
  • Slide your rolled out dough on the screen.
  • Bake for 6 minutes.
  • Once the par-bake is complete you are ready to move on to the next step, pizza brilliance.
  • Slide the parchment paper out from under the crust, brush it with EVOO, cheese, sauce, top with ingredients, and slide that bad boy back in the oven for 12 minutes.

If you can nail the crust, I promise you that the rest is easy. You have a blank canvas awaiting your benevolence, or your revenge, depending on whether the chores were done without you nagging.

Nom On, Vino Goddess. You’ve got this.

~Crunchy

Rustic Tomato Sauce: Nonna’s Little Helper

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Recently I watched the adorable film, Nonnas, and thought …. who knew both co-stars of Swingers would end up in foodie movies? Seriously did not see that coming. Anyway, I developed this sauce for pizza. But it was when I had to make a last minute pivot and this left over sauce saved my bacon – pun sort of intended because it ended up in a bacon-tomato cream sauce after I discovered my cherry tomatoes were spoiled – that I realized this sauce isn’t just for a pie. It’s the secret weapon that needs to be batched and stocked in your fridge on a weekly basis. It has the power to make what you are building that needs a tomato … something … not just shine, but infuse life into your dish.

Rustic Tomato Sauce

Special Equipment

  • Food processor or blender
  • Microplaner

Ingredients

Instead of filling up this list with individual *Alerts! I am going to issue a global Don’t Half-Ass This! *Alert! Follow the ingredient list strictly. If you don’t, you might as well just buy a jar of tomato basil sauce from the grocery store and call it done. It is all the OILS in this sauce that make the flavor so ALIVE. Like, ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’-level alive. That’s right, I am claiming that this sauce will make you forget about relationship fallout for a few minutes when all those fresh oils and acids hit your sad, ‘life hasn’t worked out for me so far’ nostrils. You might not be Diane Lane restoring a villa in Tuscany, but gosh darnit, I got you close.

  • 1 can whole, peeled San Marzano tomatoes (28 oz)
  • 1 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
  • 2–3 garlic cloves, micro-planed
  • 1 tbsp freshly ground sea salt
  • 1 tsp freshly ground peppercorn blend
  • 1 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp sugar
  • 1 tsp crushed red pepper
  • 5 fresh, hand-torn basil leaves
    • *Note: If you have access to potted live plants at your local grocery store or farmers market, I highly encourage you to pick up a basil plant. They last for up to a month and provide an abundance of fresh basil on the fly.  

Preparation

  • Combine all ingredients in your food processor or blender.
  • Pulse for 60 seconds.
  • Can be used immediately, but I recommend you cover and let the sauce rest for about 20 minutes.
  • Can be refrigerated and stored for up to a week. A bowl with plastic wrap works, but if you have any left over glass sauce jars, that’s better.

This batch makes about two cups, plenty for a couple pies on pizza night, a big batch of Capellini Pompadour, or, if you’re my kid – just eat it!, and still have some left over for when you realize that no; no, cherry tomatoes don’t last forever even if it sometimes feels like it.

And since you listened to my global Don’t Half-Ass This! *Alert, your kitchen now smells like Tuscany for the rest of the night.

Nom On, Nonna, Nom on,

~Crunchy